He asked to "fluff my boner.."
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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