I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
