I cannot find my penis.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
