would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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