I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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