omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
