JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
