??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
