i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My ATM looks so different sober.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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