Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
