I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
