We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
