Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
