the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
