Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
