Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
