Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
