How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
