So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
