You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
