there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
