it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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