Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
