R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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