You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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