so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
