He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
