I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
