I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
