don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
