I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
