That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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