God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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