We won't sleep together?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
