youre lurking in front of me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
