Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
