Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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