Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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