I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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