Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
