he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
