I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
