boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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