thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We need to feng shui this bitch.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
