Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
