i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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