Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
