They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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