I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
