I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
