I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
