I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
