All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
