I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
