Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
