NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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