You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
