Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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