my sisters under your porch take her home
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
